Privilege of Prayer

At first I thought I might title this post: The Beginning of the End, since we only have 4 full days more at Casa Bernabe but I can't make myself- I'm in denial. I am going to miss these kids and this place so very much. I am figuring out how to sponsor one of several girls in my house need a sponsor so I will be able to still be connected to my house in that way but I will so miss seeing their beautiful faces and hearing each of their hilarious and unique laughs every single day.
The Lord has been teaching me about prayer and how to pray for these children even when I don't always know their past and I wont know their daily life when I leave. Hector (the house dad of Casa Alabanza) was telling me the story of how the Lord has glorified His name through his and Laura's marriage and through the Lord's strong calling on their lives. First off praise the Lord for allowing me to comprehend enough Spanish to understand his story. I wish I could write it all down here, but in short, God has blessed Laura and Hector's marriage as they have gone through times when they had no option but to trust in the provision of our Savior. But then when a time came when the world told them they had other options, they gave it all up to serve the Lord by enlarging their family and teaching these broken kids love, obedience, and joy. God has abundantly blessed them by answering their prayers for wisdom and energy. They are so full of love and SO undeniably dedicated to their children. Although at times, praying for them kinda seems like the least I can do, I have learned this summer that prayer is absolutely the heart of ministry. For even despite all my precaution, even my love can be dis-constructive if not done prayerfully as I humbly ask for wisdom for how to show love. What a privilege to pray for this incredible family and to have prayerfully watched God working in and through them this summer. 
Truly He is strong when we are weak, and His peace is beyond comprehension. 
He is close to the broken hearted, the defender of the orphan and the oppressed. 
He is big enough to have a plan beyond my imagination and beyond my understanding. 
He is not afraid of my questions and he comforts me in my confusion. 
I know that if my heart is broken by the pain I see that He is grieving as well. 
He is patient because the fulfillment of all his promises is worth waiting for, 
the joy to come will make every present difficulty fade away. 
He loves us so much that even though he knows our every thought and is in command of the entire universe, he wants us mere humans to come to Him in prayer.

I know this passage is a little long but it has been so encouraging to me as I prepare to leave this place and I don't like taking it too out of context so here is all of Romans 8:18-27

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[a] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Fiestas

Wednesday was the 30th anniversary of the founding of Casa Bernabe! We had a special worship service that night with singing, prayer, a few people sharing short messages, and some houses getting up on stage to dance or sing a song. Then afterward the service we all took our chairs downstairs and sat together in a big room, each house to its own table, for an absolutley delicious celebration feast of salad, rolls, pasta, and cupcakes. It was such a fun, uplifting, and laughter-filled evening, everyone was beautiful and thankful and serving. What a wonderful glipse of heaven, it so reminded me of the parable where the Lord fills his banquet with people from the streets, broken people whose hearts are thankful. I talked with one young woman the night before and she told me stories of when she learned English many years ago when the entire school was in the dining room that the short term mission groups now use. God has abundantly blessed this place with incredible men and women who serve as house parents and teachers as well as the resources to help add rooms to the school and build a new house.
I am so thankful for these house parents! I really believe God has prepared each of them and gives them the wisdom they need to serve their chldren well! Not only do they provide a loving and Christ-focus environment, Casa Bernabe plans special meaningful experiences like the anniversary festivities for the kids to have fun and to learn. Another awesome event that Casa Bernabe puts on once a year is a fundraiser called Family Day (Dia de la Famila). They have the day off from school and each house participates as a team in a bunch of different group activities and races. There is one extra "family" group made up of all the students who come to Casa Bernabe's School but who do not live on campus. Then after the activities are through, most of the house moms and some of the teachers have set up booths to sell food like tamales or nachos, chocobananas or icecream, and all the money raised goes to Casa Bernabe. This time the short term group that was here were so generous to buy food for all the families and even some for us as well! It felt like a field day and a fair and a mini World Cup all combined and all the Alabanza kids (and everyone else) absolutey loved it.
It is crazy to think we only have barely two weeks left but I am so grateful for the ways that Casa Bernabe has taught me how about family, about to be observant, about the joy and strength that fills us when we are broken, and about the many various sometimes surprising ways that God can use me to show love to His children. All praise to His name for His powerful presence in this place and the ways that he uses us to show His love!
"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1

Let us exalt His Name together!

Last week was a different week for our team for many different reasons.
First, I am just now posting this because the internet has been down for almost a week so sorry for the late update but here it is now!
Secondly, it was different for me because 4 of the people at Casa Bernabe whom I have become good friends with left to return to the states.
Two beautiful women visited Casa Alabanza for the past 2 weeks, to see the child that one of them has been trying to adopt since he was born a little over 7 years ago. They have showered the boy and all of Casa Alabanza with the joy of their loving presence as well as with their many generous gifts. These ladies spoke such beautiful, honest, and Christ-centered advice into my life as they shared their stories with me and I am so very grateful to have met them. But the family that is adopting this little boy is from Texas, so maybe the Lord will let our paths cross again!
The other couple that left last week had been in Guatemala for almost their entire first year of marriage and were only a couple years older than me. They were so generous to share their time and their stories with us. They were both full of contagious laughter and good advice about the culture of Guatemala and of Casa Bernabe. Casa Bernabe is already so different without them around and we were sad to see them go, but I'm so thankful that they became our fast friends!

Finally, last week was different because our team got to travel around Guatemala! Last Monday our group spent the day in Antigua, a beautiful historical city about 2 hours away from Casa Bernabe. The couple that I just mentioned had lived there for language school earlier in the year so they volunteered to come with us and be our tour guides! We got to experience some incredible sightseeing, eat lots of delicious food, shop in the artisan markets, and experience an very different part of Guatemalan culture.
This past weekend we spent time in an incredible place named Panajachel, a lake surrounded by 3 volcanos and many many mountains. It was pretty surreal sometimes and definitely one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I couldn't get over the fact that wherever I turned, I would be staring at a volcano or a vast mountains range. The first day after we checked into our hotel, we rode a boat to a village to watch some weaving and swam in a hot spring that flowed into a little part of the lake! Our boat driver was wonderful and seemed to know everyone no matter where we stopped. He was constantly cracking jokes (in Spanish) and he got plenty of laughs as we swam through the cold lake water to reach the hot spring. We made sure we hired him for the next day to take us to the other side of the lake to hike the Volcano in San Pedro.
He set us up with an amazing tour guide whose sincerity and care and laughter made the 5+ hour round-trip hike just that much more wonderful. This volcano is inactive so no lava sightings or anything quite as crazy as that but the views were absolutely stunning. The last day we went to a nature reserve to go ziplining! It was such a thrill and gave us yet another incredible view of one of the biggest volcanos. We got to hike around in the reserve and down to the lake, and even got to see some monkeys while we were hiking!
The whole weekend was a time to soak up all the incredible beauty that was undeniable and all-encompassing. It can be hard sometimes to trust in God's plan for this world when I see so much pain in the lives of many of these kids, and even harder when I think of the many more children who are not living in a place of safety and healing like Casa Bernabe. But I was reminded this weekend of the verse that says "If I so clothe the lilies of the field, which are here today and gone tomorrow, how much more will I clothe you, oh you of little faith?". If My God holds volcanoes and mountains in his hand, and even in this broken world can speak His glory so undeniably through His creation, I can be confident that His a plan for this broken world is worth waiting for. And some how we are to help each other to "consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many kinds because we know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance," and when we learn to let go and let the power of the Spirit, which raised Christ from the grave, work through us, then we will indeed be "mature and complete, not lacking anything". I have been desiring and praying for wisdom in the day-to-day, that I can know how to let the Spirit's power work in me and through me. But it can be hard not to be "double minded, blown and tossed by the wind" because such a steady faith requires a lot of patience and surrender. But I know that even when I grieve over the brokenness of this world that I am close to the heart of God for He too is being patient, wanting and waiting for His children to trust in Him and find rest in Him alone.

Thank you for reading, thank you for praying.

"Oh magnify the Lord with me,

Let us exalt His Name together!"

Being Watchful

There are so many little things about my experience here at Casa Bernabe that have made it so incredible, not always stories but just simple habits, or moments, or things that I've observed that are meaningful to me.

I noticed quickly when I arrived that the kids know very well that Casa Bernabe is a safe and joyful place. But as I've been here longer, I have come to know that the safety and joy are not because of the work of man, but because of the work of God. I love the way that they pray; one child (or adult) will pray aloud and the rest of the children repeat each sentence in unison. It might sounds a little strange, but I've seen that it is a beautiful way to thank the Lord together and be involved in really knowing what you are saying Amen to. In every prayer the children thank to Lord for their Mami and Papi and often they pray for los ninos de la calle (street children).
I so admire the way I see my house parents interacting with the children and reminding them to thank God for each blessing. I am so grateful to them for being gracious with me and also with the short-term volunteers who come through Casa Bernabe. I've learned a lot about how they run their house and I've found that it is a challenge and an honor to be able to explain some of the cultural norms and rules of the house to the short term groups.
I like knowing that at least one soccer game happens per day on campus. I like seeing rain at least a little everyday. I like that the kids here are obsessed with Frozen just like my pre-schoolers in Texas. I like the comradery from talking about each of our night shifts at the baby house. I like being able to dive into a culture that doesn't put such a huge emphasis on schedules or time. I've loved getting to know other longer term volunteers and hearing their stories and advice. And Oh there is so much more that I could say.

Sometimes it can be easy to see Casa Bernabe as a sort of camp or boarding school, but it is important for me to remember that it is so much more than that because these children have nowhere else to go, no other place to call home. These past few days have been a reminder of how beautiful of a refuge this is, but it has also been a hard reminder of the great demand for places like this. A child returns to an abusive home because a court case took an unexpected turn, the police bring a newborn that they found abandoned in the dump, two sisters go to court to continue an investigation and maintain their 'adoptable' status, and suddenly I'm shocked into the reality that each of these children has a crazy story of rescue. Although it breaks my heart that there is such a need for homes for children who have been abandoned, orphaned, or abused, at the same time I can not help but to praise God for the fact that this place is full of beautiful lives and that is well known among the police and the court as a place where they can send a child in totally confidence that they will be loved, cared for, and taught, all in the name of the Lord.
I've been taught to not ask about a child's story (and even the ones that I have learned I am not allowed to share specifics on the internet). And my prayer request for my team and I is that we would be observant, remembering the importance of watching to see how each child responds to others and to their house parents so that we can learn how to best love them.

ALABANZA

I can hardly believe my first week in Guatemala has already gone by!

Casa Alabanza is AMAZING. My schedule is kinda subject to change from day to day. But except for the fact that I sleep next door, my life here looks like an adopted older sister for the 11 little ones that live in
Casa Alabanza. I've been so impressed with the house parents Laura y Hector, they are some pretty incredible people. They are full of joy, generous but firm with the children, and so patient with my Spanish. I've been in the house for a few of the daily family devotions that they have and Hector expresses his thoughts with such passion and yet in a way that the kids understand even though they are young. Even when it is not necessarily devo time, he and Laura are always pointing the children to the Lord. One night they were practicing for a Despedida which is a sort of good-bye ceremony to help the kids understand that a short-term group that has been at Casa Bernabe is leaving. Four of the children were learning a short dance to preform in the show. They had practiced it a couple of times in front of the rest of the family, with various children calling various instructions about how to to it better, when Hector stops them and says something to the effect of, 'We aren't doing this dance to make people think good things about us, we don't preform to make people think we are talented or pretty, when we dance, we are dancing for God, we are dancing because He has made us glad! So let's try it one more time.' And they did, full of energy and with lots of smiles.

I've learned so much this week, but it's crazy that the more I learn, the more that I realize that I don't know. I think that goes for most things in life, but Spanish has definitely brought that to the forefront of my mind right now. Another thing I'm learning is patience. I've had lots of practice being patience with little ones so that part isn't usually too hard for me, but learning patience with some of the other short-term teams that are here has definitely been challenging. But I have already seen God's faithfulness both in prompting me to be a patient and encouraging presence and then in showing me the awesome things that can come from following those promptings. God has even helped me see these short term groups as an encouragement to me of the Spanish that I do know. Lots of them don't really know any Spanish so I have been an unofficial, but by the grace of God a sufficiently effective translator all this week in Casa Alabanza. Who would've guessed, but what an awesome experience to feel totally inadequate and then realize that God just used me to help people communicate and be unified!

My prayer requests are still for discernment to know how best to serve Hector and Laura and the children of Alabanza, for continued patience with the other teams here, for confidence to start conversations in Spanish, and to praise my Lord for every single one of the abundant blessings that He pours out on me!!

Nosotros llegamos!

We have arrived!!
The Campus of Casa Bernabe (CB) is BEAUTIFUL. The equatorial climate makes everything so green and it is rainy season so tons of flowers are in bloom. Below is a picture of the beautiful Casa Fortaleza, the dorm the we will call home for the next few months! and then a group picture on the basketball/futbol court!

I realized that I have not explained much about what CB is exactly but I'm gonna direct y'all to http://www.foce.org/?page_id=9 to read what they say about themselves, as well as explaining it a little bit myself.
The houses are all built along one edge of the campus. They are on a hill (which would easily pass for a mountain in Texas), right next to/below each other along the incline. These past couple days have been unscheduled in true Latin American fashion, a time for us to get to know the kids of Casa Bernabe and listen to the Lord's guidance about which house we will be adopted into for the summer!
There are 8 houses total, the baby house and a young kids house (with mixed genders), then 3 houses for the boys (separated into 3 groups according to age) and 3 for the girls (mostly mixed ages). You can see the names of each house and an adorable picture of each child if you go to http://www.foce.org/?page_id=81
Our role in our house will be to assist the house parents and today we determined which team member would be assigned to each house. I am in Casa Alabanza which is girls and boys ages 3-6! I spent one evening playing with those kids already and I can't wait for tomorrow when I will really begin spending my time with them! My Spanish is better than I expected ...but still not awesome, so I'm still working hard at that! Oh and one of the older girls in Casa Alabanza already assigned herself as my Spanish teacher when I told her (my thus far most used phrase) "Hablo un poco de espanol, pero yo estoy aprendiendo"
Today we also learned about the shifts that we will do in the Casa de los Angelitos (the baby house)! We (volunteered) to each take a night of the week so that the house parents and other workers can get full nights of sleep and one of us per night will stay up and get to care for a houseful of 13 babies once a week! Sounds insane but I'm really excited about it!
In church this morning, there was a visiting preacher who spoke about David and Goliath and (from what I understood of it) about about God's strength through us. He also spoke about how David acted based on his conviction, not based on the reactions to which our human nature is prone. I want to take that to heart this week; I want to learn for every day how to follow Christ by loving with the unconditional, unfailing love of the Lord and by working hard out of my conviction of his calling to humility and service, all for the Glory of His name!

Never Once Did We Ever Walk Alone

6/5/14

Tomorrow's the day! We leave at 4:30 am, will meet with the rest of our team in the Atlanta airport, and head to Guatemala from there!!
I wanted to share one of the verses that we have been dwelling on this week.
"Have I not commanded you?
Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS.
Do not be terrified,
Do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your GOD
will be with you WHEREVER you go"
Joshua 1:9
As we talked today about actively surrendering our plans and our cultural mindsets that may hinder us from serving in humility, we talked about the difference between desiring success and desiring to bear fruit. I kept thinking of how Joshua 1:9 related to John 15, specifically verse 4 which says,
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me"
We ind life when we abide in Christ who is our life! He calls us to abide in Him so we will be attentive to His voice and courageous follow wherever he leads. Please pray that we will be listening to His voice and abiding in His love, forever for the glory of His Holy Name!

Rainbows of Hope: Day 1!

We are currently at the Rainbows of Hope Office which is located in a beautiful old farmhouse in South Carolina. We have not yet met the three Westmont interns who are in California at the moment but we are excited to meet them when we arrive in Guatemala on Friday! Right now I have known Kyla, Carol, Sarah, and Sarah Bollinger (our team leader who we call Biz) for just barely 24 hours and I can’t believe how much laughter has filled this house since we all met. This week is dedicated to training which includes everything from learning the rules of Casa Bernabe to a training in the practice of prayer. But the training also is a chance for us as interns to be intentional in getting to know each other better, and this morning we each shared how the Lord lead us to this awesome opportunity. He has brought this team together from so many different places but as we shared some of our stories this morning, I realized how God has taught us each to surrender our plans to Him and  learn every day how to live life in thankful praise in light of the Lord's faithfulness.   

Although I've experienced it before through the amazing communities that I've experienced at places like my church, and Kanakuk, and Joni and Friends, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly people with a shared love for our beautiful Savior can get to know each other deeply. One of my very favorite verses is John 4:11-12 which says, "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love in made complete is us." God doesn't need us to make His love complete, but He has chosen to give us the joyfully duty of loving each other so that they world will know that we are His! What an awesome God we serve!

I can barely contain my excitement for these upcoming months!! I am glad y’all have read this far, I hope y'all will continue to read, and I pray that you might be encouraged by what you read here in the coming weeks!

You are the God of this City

How do I begin! I have so many memories and stories from our journey to Haiti and I am still processing all that I experienced in that country full of strong, perseverant, beautiful people. Beginning at 11:23 am on the day that we expected to depart California, I learned to give up my expectations and instead learn to rely completely and joyfully on the plan God had for us. In succession we were told to check out of our hotel rooms 5 hours earlier than expected, leave the hotel an hour earlier than expected with bags that quickly became 10 lbs lighter that expected, leave LAX 3 hours later than expected, leave from Miami instead of Ft. Lauderdale to arrive in Haiti over 24 hours later than expected, figure out activities for 3x as many kids as expected, and I could go on but I think y’all get the idea! God blessed me with an absolutely WONDERFUL team of girls who prayed with and for each other, looked out for one another, learned from and with one another, served our Savior together, sang His praises together, and loved His children together. There is a quote by Henry Ward Beecher which says “Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven” so I want to tell you about several Haitian children that took hold of my hand and taught me to do the will of God on earth as is done in heaven.

Kevin: I met this sweet little boy on the first day when he was searching for a place to sit on the front row bench. His big dark eyes were filled with tears. I held out my hand to him and he hurried over and grabbed it and soon wanted me to hold him. After that if I ever had set him down, he followed me around and grabbed my hand as soon as it was free. I loved having a little shadow but I wanted him to get involved with the various games and crafts and I really wanted to see him smile. The next day we were up at the front leading some songs and I saw my little friend wandering down the center aisle scanning over all our faces. When his eyes reached mine he hurried over to me again and held out both of his hands, wanting to be picked up. Of course, my heart melted right away and I quickly scooped him up and sang the rest of the songs, encouraging him to do the hand motions and sing along. After the songs and Bible story, our team had decided to try running the activities in stations which ended up being rather chaotic. Since I was in charge of one of the craft stations, he kept getting pushed around in his attempt to follow me. I was a little worried about him till I saw that Rachel had picked him up and was looking after him. After the stations were finished, I looked around for my little friend and I saw him sitting on Victoria’s lap. I went over to say hi and he reached out his arms towards me again, completely forgiving the fact that and hour or so earlier his attachment to me had caused him to be smack dab in the middle of an energetic and rather chaotic mass of kids. So I picked my goal back of to try to make him smile. On Monday my little friend found me again and I finally figured out that his name was Kevin. He was much more talkative and was very interested in the prizes that some kids were winning through some games so I got him to participate a little bit. After a while I saw him looking around so I went over and scooped him up and gave him a hug (just like I had many times before) and for some reason this time he broke out into a big bright adorable smile. I was so surprised I burst out laughing and his smile got even bigger. I don’t know what clicked but after that he would often flash his bright adorable little smile when I came over to him. One of my teammates said that she had learned that it must bring God pleasure when we cling to Him as she thought about how she loved when these precious children clung to her. I love thinking about that and little Kevin taught me about the joy that comes from seeing someone take delight in our presence. It our privilege to smile in the presence of God and it is amazing to think that when we delight in Him, we bring Him joy!

Sophanie: I fell in love with this precious little girl at the Delmas 31 orphanage where my half of the team was blessed to spend our last day in Haiti. She has a heart-warming smile and contagious laugh and it was my joy to make her laugh and smile all day long.  I never heard her speak a word but thank God that laughter is universal! She does not let her body or her physical abilities, which others may deem limited, hinder the way that she spreads joy and invites others to smile with her. God has given Sophanie an unquenchable spirit of joy. She is a sweet reminder to me that we are called to set out mind on things of the Spirit for they bring life and peace. When we keep in step with the Spirit we are free to receive and spread the love and joy that Christ lavished upon us!

Carlo: Carlo is energetic, curious, persistent, and playful. He came into the church on the first day looking to have a good time. His mother came with him but sat on the side resting and watching us interact with Carlo. Although there is not much capacity to diagnosis the disabilities of many of the children in Haiti, Carlo displayed many qualities that are characteristic of Autism.  At the end of the first day I was playing catch with Carlo with a brightly colored ball.  Carlo was laughing and just consumed by the thrill of throwing and bouncing the ball. Carlo's mother came up to me and, by pointing to the ball and then to her son, she asked if it were for him. Before I really understood, I responded positively and she got the ball from Carlo, wrapped it in a scarf that she was holding, and denied Carlo’s efforts to get the ball back. At first I was confused but I worked to interest Carlo in a different activity and began to process what had just happened. To the best of my knowledge, the mother had seen that her son took joy from this simple toy and was concerned that he might lose it as he threw it around in a church full of 100+ children. She was willing to let her son be unhappy for a moment so that he might later re-receive the gift that had brought him joy in a more protected environment. This made me think that my perspective, so often limited and narrow-minded, hinders me from understanding why God may take something away or tell me to wait. But this interaction with Carlo’s mother was a good reminder of how God has the best in mind for us. Later on in the week I was able to describe to Carlo's mother some of the strategies that I used to help Carlo focus and interact with us. Becca and I were also able to provide her with some simple training on sign language that might help ease communicate between her and her son. More importantly, we were able to encourage her and tell her that she and her son were loved, by us and by The Lord and that His love gives us strength and honor!

I learned so much from such a short time. I firmly believe that God has a plan for the country of Haiti. As we drove through one of the tent cities one day, Becca started singing “God of this City” by Chris Tomlin and I could not think of any better summary.

You're the Light in this darkness 
You're the Hope to the hopeless 
You're the Peace to the restless 

There is no one like our God 
There is no one like our God 

For greater things have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this City!

Wake up, Today is the Day!

“We wake up every morning needing Jesus desperately. What changes our life is when we wake up every morning realizing that we need Jesus desperately and living in His strength every second of the day” –paraphrase from Joni

The second week of my internship consisted of travelling to a Joni and Friends Family Retreat in northern California. I have served at 9 JAF family retreats in the past 6 years so I know that camp is too amazing and surprising to get used to. However at family retreat, I have always encountered a beautiful picture the body of Christ as it was meant to be because camp is a place of complete acceptance and genuine love. It is also a place where I wake up everyday realizing my desperate need for my Savior and realizing that I can only serve in the strength that He provides. Many people talk about JAF camp as a glimpse of heaven, but I agree with one father who said that he saw it as the genuine body of Christ in action on this earth. (if you have any interest, hear more about family retreats! http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/joni-and-friends-family-retreat/ ). I only wish that it was not only at camp each year that the body of Christ displayed this type of acceptance, but the only way I can change that is to start with myself. Family retreat inspires me to persevere in praying and seeking to genuinely accept all people through Christ’s love as He has accepted me!

Marlin was my buddy at Family Retreat this year! He is twelve years old, has a hilarious sense of humor, and loves everything to do with water (from swimming to drinking to washing hands). Marlin has autism and is comforted by schedules so we always went over the plan for each day. But that meant that sometimes we struggled to focus on what was happening right in front of us. So I decided to try to teach him a song that we could sing to help focus on the present. I tried out a few which he quickly dismissed (probably in part because of my below par singing voice). But then, while we were playing at the pool one day we found a song that he liked: “Lean on Me”. I would sing it to him while we played with some of the toys in the quiet room or while we were sitting taking breaks from running around on the lawn. One of the highlights of my week was when I was singing quietly to myself and suddenly I realized Marlin was softly singing all the words with me! Needless to say, after that we had lots of sing-alongs much to both of our delight. The song “Lean on Me” is a touching example of how we can support each other in our times of need. Two are better than one for each can help the other succeed (Ecc. 4:9-12). I have been blessed to experience this type of community in the team of interns with whom I have been learning and serving these two weeks!

 These past few days we have been debriefing and preparing for Haiti and I can finally say that today is the day!! When we arrive, we plan to lead VBS and parent training at a special needs orphanage and at churches in the surrounding area! We have gathered and prepared all the supplies but more importantly we have been preparing our hearts and minds for the work that God will do through us as we seek to strengthen His kingdom in Haiti! We are so excited! Please keep us in your prayers, that we may live according to the Spirit for “to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:6), that we will wake up every day recognizing that we need Jesus desperately, and that no matter what obstacles we may face God will shine through us so we might share the hope that “in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”!! (Romans 8:37)

The Banquet for the Broken

            I wrote this post on our drive up to the Joni and Friends family retreat in Scott’s Valley at Mission Springs last Sunday but I did not realize that once we arrived at camp, I would not have access to Wifi until we arrived back at the hotel in Thousand Oaks late last night, so anyways here is my post from last week! And this week’s post is on the way!

This first week of my internship has been simply and yet extravagantly blessed. When I first learned about this internship, I was uncertain of this week of textbook learning from a book called Beyond Suffering. I prayed that I would have an open mind and let my heart be prepared for the upcoming weeks of service. I could sum up the week by saying that our God is absolutely and incredibly faithful!! But I want to share more than a sentence about everything that I have learned this week so I hope your looking for more than a summary J

            Through my experiences and through the lectures I heard, I grew in my understanding of the importance of stories. My heart is captivated by the stories of the incredible people who surround me. I’ve heard stories of surrender, healing, conviction, passion, trust, and generosity, all of which originate in brokenness. In Luke 14 the Great Host tells us His servants to go out into the alleys and byways to compel the blind and lame, the outwardly broken, to come to His feast so that His house might be full. Now this took a while to fully register for me so I’m going to say it again: Our God wants His house full of people with disabilities! We need humility to admit our own brokenness before we can come in and help fill our Lord’s house, then also we can go out in love to help gather those who feel ill-equipped and invite them to the great banquet for the broken. “The only fitness God requires is that we feel our need of Him!” Praise be to the One who says it’s ok not to be ok, who invites us to come empty so that we may be filled with His grace and love. The community with disabilities is the largest unreached people group in the world, but the fields are ripe for the harvest and the differences between their struggles and ours are not so different as they once seemed.

 God has given each person a story, but in this fast-paced world we can get too caught up in comparison (which so often turns to pride or self pity) and we forget that when we share our stories, we are less likely to criticize or judge and more likely to trust and understand how to best encourage each other. Our stories are often filled with suffering, maybe because “God is not as interested in removing the problems that we see as He is in removing the selfishness to which we are blind”. Suffering could be described as “a splash-over from hell,” and sometimes God might use suffering to grab our attention or wake us up from complacency. But if hard times are a spoonful of hell, then are easy times a spoonful of heaven? No, rather “it is when we find God in the midst of suffering that we taste the joy of being in the presence of God”. For “the more we lean on our Savior, the stronger we find Him to be!”

Nevertheless, it is hard to reconcile the fact that God is all powerful and yet suffering still exists in the world. Timothy Keller once explained this in his book Reason for God saying that if we believe that we have a God big enough to eradicate the world of suffering then we must also believe that we have a God big enough to have a purpose for suffering bigger than our mortal minds can comprehen. When questioned about why she trusts a God that has allowed her to suffer quadriplegia for 40 years Joni responded that she has faith because Jesus knows the pain of this world. He was paralyzed physically when His hands and feet were nailed to the cross, experienced the relational poverty of misunderstanding, betrayal, and rejection and was a homeless wanderer on this earth. And He calls us to follow Him. We need to realize that “the promise of suffering is found in bold not in the fine print when we sign up to be in the army of the Lord”.

Beyond this, our “God is a Healer” as Mike Hoggatt’s daughter proclaims. She a precious little girl whom he and his wife adopted at age 3; she is a cancer survivor and has been diagnosed with autism. I believe that our God is in the business of healing. But to understand that healing, we must understand that God’s value system is not like the value system of this world. Our value in the eyes of God comes from our Savior. God already loves us infinitely and cannot love us any more or any less than He does at this very second. And since our value is based on what God has done, we come back once again to the idea that God invites us into His presence just as we are, with our stories of brokenness and healing. “Suffering is the textbook for learning our own identity” and for bringing us into a place of community. 1 Thessalonians is a story about perseverance through suffering and remaining steadfast through affliction as Paul encourages the church of the Thessalonians. I want to conclude this post as Paul closes his letter:

            “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely 

and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless

 at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it… 

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you” 

 -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24,28

*Most of the quotes in this post are from when Joni came to speak to us while we were in class at the IDC!

Radically Inclusive

I am excited to start up my blog again to write about this amazing internship opportunity that I am blessed to be a part of for the month of June! This Missions and Ministry internship is through the Cause for Life program with Joni and Friends International Disabilities Center. The past two days have been a lovely whirl-wind of putting faces to names. I have encountered and come to personally know people and places that, prior to Monday, were only familiar to me by way of the words of others. In the short time since I hopped off the plane at LAX, I have been overwhelmingly blessed as I strive to be attentive to the specific ways that the Lord has prepared my heart for this time. My desire is that I may praise Him with purity, love Him deeply, and serve Him faithfully.

            I prayed that our team, all with similar passions and hearts may be encouraging to one another. This prayer I based on Romans 1:12 where Paul expresses his longing to come to the Romans so that they “may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith”. There is a special type of friendship that forms in times like these when we know we have only a month to be in each others company, and I love how people become vulnerable when we know that we have to trust each other in order to form community so that we can minister to others. Our conversations have truly been blessed, and have been an encouragement to us all. In introductions, something that stood out to me but was the beautiful balance in each person’s story between surrender and persistence; each person advancing God’s kingdom to reach this broken world in our own individual way.

            One phrase that remained in my mind after the many lectures and speeches that we heard on Tuesday was “radically inclusive”. This defines God and it should in turn define His church. Joni Eriksson Tada lives this radically inclusive lifestyle in a most beautiful way. On our tour of the IDC, we passed a small side room which beautifully depicted and explained Joni’s story and all the ways that God has allowed her to be His hands and feet even more through her own limited use of her earthly hands and feet. We then passed the radio center hearing more about all the ministry outreaches in which she participates and then walked by her office where we glimpsed through the office window that she was recording video. We passed by, being told that we would get to meet her later, but before we had made it around the next corner she comes out and asks if we had missed her office and welcomed us in with a warm and heartfelt smile. I do not think that Joni will knowingly miss a chance to invite someone in and cover them with the ridiculously radical love of Christ. I want to become more like Christ by learning to live a life full of love and radical inclusion.

            Well, I am off to day 3 but I will update again later!!

trampolines and skydiving

My fault in blogging is my long windedness. I never had a problem reaching the minimum word counts for analytical papers in high school or in college, always enjoyed writing the papers, but I do admit to being a bit of a procrastinator (the majority of my papers were written within a few days -or hours- of the dead line). The problem with blogging is that even though I love to write, there’s no deadline, so several half written blogs sit in lonely word documents that I simply never got around to finishing…

All that to say, today I was reminded about Skydiving from the book I am reading and really wanted to blog about it so here it goes (please and thank you for bearing with my wordyness!) The book is Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. Although I read it some years ago, Bell explains in his book that just like “we instinctively understand that art has to, in some way, keep going… keep bringing new perspectives” so it is with Christians. No one person figured faith out. Rather we are all “exploring what it means to live in harmony with God and each other… Times change. God doesn’t... We learn and grow and the world around us shifts, and the Christian faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating. Letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesus and embracing whatever will help us be more the people God wants us to be.” (10-11). God and the ways He is described in this book have not changed since I last read it, but I have. And though others may have discovered and re-discovered the truths many times before, what I am learning from this book now is new to me because I have grown and experienced new things. For example, I had not been skydiving the first time I read this book, but now that experience helped me learn in a new way (more on that later).

Bell describes a trampoline as a symbol for the Christian walk. The “statements and beliefs about our faith” are represented by the necessary springs which can stretch and bend and be seen in new perspective (22). The bricks of a brick wall do not accurately symbolize the doctrines of our faith for if a brick changes shape or grows, it no longer is a useful part of the wall. Furthermore, a wall divides and encourages a defensive standpoint; but a trampoline is about community, and about enjoyment. However, if I spend my entire time on the trampoline clutching the edge, examining the springs to see if they will hold, I have missed the joyful taste of flying that a trampoline offers. Bell says, “Jesus invites everybody to jump… the invitation to jump is an invitation to follow Jesus with all of our doubts and questions right there with us” (28). But sometimes in life I have found that God has answered my questions right before tossing me into the sky to test whether I have really learned what I think I have. This to me is like skydiving. For a personal example, on the upswing of an eating disorder, I felt like I was falling through thin air as struggled both to remember what I learned but God had prepared me to be open to share my story with two friends who I saw spiraling into the same patterns from which I was still learning to accept freedom.

In skydiving, you cannot be worried about the parachute the whole flight up and dive down. If you are, there is no joy in the experience. To be sure, there is a time and place for learning and checking, re-learning and re-checking, for doubts and questions, and for using accountability and caution all to protect us and prepare us for the road ahead. But once it is time for a journey, you are free to climb, to fly, to share the joy of discovery and adventure with those you are with. Then, when the time comes, to risk, to jump, to fall, to experience, to smile, to test, to trust, to watch, and to be thankful. And to invite others to join. But the importance of those times of learning, the times on the ground, cannot be overlooked. I love adventure and but as I learn to be intentional with the time God gives me to rest and to prepare, I have experienced that the preparation is just as wonderful as the jump. With each step, anticipation grows. I learn to keep my eyes open to watch for the way God acts and the glimpses of His ever present beauty and grace and love. I could try to describe more how I see Him, but as Rob Bell says, “this is something people have struggled with since the beginning: how to talk about God when God is bigger than our words, our brains, our worldviews, and our imaginations.” (23).

And because the song fits where I am right now, this is a song called “who you are” written by the wonderful college minister at my home church. (he has written many other honest, beautiful songs that have impacted my life. sadly, not near enough of them are recorded but you can look some of his songs up on iTunes under Robby Higginbottom and Empty Handful!)

“WHO YOU ARE”

Bigger than our thoughts, Higher than our sweetest dreams can soar

You are that and even more

Words cannot describe, The wonder of a King who stooped so low

Who left His throne that we might know

Who you are.

Infinite the gap, between the God reflected in our days

And the Glory we were made to praise

Cleverly deceived, eyes you made to glimpse reality

When focused on ourselves will never see

Who you are.

You say “I am who I am”,

You’re the Lion and the Lamb

Lord of Heaven and of Earth

Infinite in Worth

You are Word becoming flesh

Conqueror of death

God of Wrath and God of Love

Reigning over us

May our lives go far,

In showing who you are

We want to love the truth, we want to long for you

In you we finally see our identity

Jugares Nuevos

Penarol: this game was like nothing I have ever experienced before. We got to the game over an hour early and everyone was already decked out in black and yellow and singing and chanting. Right before that game started, everyone started singing really loud, setting off fireworks, sparklers, and yellow smoke bombs. My favorite thing was that there is a rule with Penarol fans that win or lose they are always on their feet, always cheering. Even though Penarol lost the game that we attended, the fans never stopped encouraging and cheering on their team.

Symphony: It was a fun night, we all got dressed up and took some pictures and headed to the show. The conductor was exactly the person I would draw up the perfect conductor to be. Long white hair and a handle bar mustache and he got into the conducting so much that he jumped up and down for emphasis at least a couple times per song. The first songs were from the nutcracker and were absolutely amazing. The whole experience was just what I needed after a long week and right before a fun but tiring weekend. It was wonderful to listen to the music and think of nothing else.

Speaking of this past weekend, it was the most unplanned but most wonderful adventure. Once we got off the bus at our campsite, (which was an adventure in itself) the first thing I noticed were the stars. You could see the Milky Way easily and the constellations were all so bright and seemed so close. If nothing else good had happened, the weekend for me was already made. The campsite centered around a couple pools that were fed by the hot springs. Eric went to check them out the first night while Mal, Jamie, Whitney, and I went to bed in our tent and stayed up talking. The next day was Mal’s birthday and we went to a water park about 30 minutes away from the campsite with this wonderful family that Eric had met and befriended the night before. They had been camping there for about three weeks and three of the sons ended up coming back on the same bus as us back to Montevideo. They were so patient and easy going and it was so much fun hanging out with them. The park was right across from Argentina, and it had hot pools and cold pools, it was the perfect day of relaxation, adventures, new friends, practicing Spanish, eating ham sandwiches, drinking fresh squeezed orange juice, and sharing Maté. I love how easy it is to make friends here. Everyone is honest and the relaxed nature is so different and a nice change from the fast-paced life of America. The next day we spent some time looking at some local markets and going down to hang out by the river. I went down closer to the river and found a beautiful little shaded place right by the water that was so peaceful that I just sat there taking everything in and enjoying the quietness. After a while there we went into Salto to find the free zoo that we had heard about. Once again, on the bus, everyone was so willing to talk and so patient, we followed a family from one bus to the next that would take us to the zoo. There were some pretty awesome animals including lions and tigers and bears and all sorts of colorful birds and these cute little animals that we could never find a sign for but looked like a mix between a raccoon and a puppy and an anteater. When we were waiting for our bus that was to leave at around midnight, we made friends with a Pastor and Professor who lives in Montevideo, he knew like 5 languages and wanted to learn English, he had written a book but apparently needed another doctorate before it could be published. We had a wonderful conversation with him and started singing worship songs at a bus stop in the middle of the countryside of Uruguay. Although the fact that we had not planned almost anything the whole weekend was a little stressful, God had a perfect plan for us to learn more about His people and made me become less worried about scheduling my time and rather giving it up and recognizing that it is His time that he has given to me so that I can learn to glorify Him in new ways everyday.

The Paris of the South

We left Montevideo for Buenas Aires early on Friday morning on a charter bus headed for Colonia where we would take the Ferry to B.A. Our first stop was this really random museum of world record collections of pencils, key chains, and perfume bottles. Personally, my favorite part of the place was the playground outside with some legit merry-go-round deals and a seesaw on springs. It was awesome. We got off the bus again to see an old bull fighting rink and to have a picnic by a beach. The bus trip ended in Colonia where we wandered down by a beach through cobblestone streets and then climbed a lighthouse where we could barely make out part of the skyline of Buenas Aires across the ocean. Whitney, Ben, and I went down to the pier and sat and watched the water and the ships, got coffee in miniature coffee mugs, wandered through an artisans market and simply enjoyed the relaxed pace of the town.Then we headed to the enormous ferry to go to Buenas Aires! We couldn’t figure out if it felt like we were on a plane or a bus or really moving at all the ride was so smooth.
After arriving in Buenas Aires we got on an air-conditioned bus to ride to our air-conditioned hotel. This hotel was literally in the center of downtown. There is a massive obelisk that marks the center of a 20+ lane street (one of the biggest in the world) that runs through downtown and our hotel rooms each had balconies overlooking the street. Buenas Aires is an incredible city with many many different interesting things to see and explore. Here are a few of my favorite parts of Buenas Aires:

La Boca- an old, beautiful, colorful neighborhood with lots of vendors, salsa dancers, painters, musicians, and restaurants.

Puente– a famous, white, modern looking  bridge over a beautiful river. The River walk is pretty posh and one night Brady, Ben, Whitney, and I went down to a little park to people watch and talk.

The Ferria- a street filled with a long market. There were beautiful embroidery crafts, colorful shoes. Whitney and I spent a few hours walking down the market and finding all sorts of beautiful things and trying to have little conversations in Spanish with some of the vendors.

The last thing I want to mention about Buenas Aires are the wonderful friends I made there. I met Marisa and Ashley at the church service in the morning  and then Whitney and I met up with them after we wandered the Ferria and they showed us a 5 story mall and took us to one of their favorite restaurants served family style. We had such a wonderful conversation about how the youth of different countries can represent Jesus to the world. The way that a common love and a common purpose can unite God’s people across countries is inspiring in a way like nothing I have ever experienced. It is a bond that grows stronger with differences and is more pure as it combines cultures. The love of our great God unites us and this friendship gave me a taste of the joy that will be ours when together with followers of Christ from all over the world we will all praise or King and spend every moment glorifying Him.  

Mas Como Mi Casa Todos Los Dios

Sorry for the time lapse! My blog was not uploading and then I had not had time to write but I think it is about time for an update on my semester! This entry was written a few weeks ago so if it seems a little out dated that is why! So many fun things happen every single day I wish I could have time to blog about it all but here are a few highlights of the past week: There is a beautiful park about 20 minute walk from Casa right next to the Rambla (and the ocean) that I am sure we will spend more time in as the semester goes on but I already have so many fun memories that I have to share a few. One of the first time we went was with Martin, his little sister Michaela, and some of the other people from the youth group. We just sat and talked, practicing the little bit of Spanish that I knew, and watching Michaela show off with her handstands and cartwheels. This 12 year old girl is adorable, energetic, and unafraid to try out her English and laugh at and with us as we try to learn Spanish. Speaking of Spanish, I am learning a lot! (8 hours a week plus homework and hearing it everywhere I would I hope I would be!) At the park there are signs explaining the algae in the lake or the various birds around or the monuments and statues (which are scattered allll over Montevideo) so Whitney, Amy, and I walked around translating them as best we could. I was excited that my French background helped me a lot with reading Spanish! Whitney and I have started carrying a little dictionary around with us most of the time we go out and try to talk in Spanish at least some of the time that we are out. One time we were walking maybe 10 feet behind an Uruguayan man, switching around between Spanish and English (and a little French) talking about the beach and anything based on what we could remember how to say. Needless to say our conversation probably seemed extremely random to someone who did not know what vocab words we learned that day in Spanish class. When we finally made a turn and parted ways he turned around with this hilarious amused look on his face and started laughing. Technically, it is improper to smile at Uruguayan men that you don’t know but we did anyhow. One way or the other I’m sure if he had a story to tell went he went home that night. One more thing about the park, there is a couple that sells these delicious doughnuts type things called “borrlas” for 4 pesos. We have gone there a few times already and we want to frequent the place regularly and make friends with the lady who manages the stand.

I have not gone running a whole lot since I’ve been here which is driving me a little crazy! But the times that I have gone running are so much fun. Running on the Rambla and playing soccer on the beach are dreams come true. Seriously. I was planning waiting for things to settle down to a rhythm to get into a running schedule but everything here is still so new and there is so much to explore and since I am coming to Dallas for Steven and Abbey’s wedding on Wednesday, I think I’ll wait for things to settle down to a rhythm here in a couple weeks. We have been to 4 different beaches, two along the Rambla, Carrasco, and we went out to Raquel (our wonderful cook) house for church, beach, burgers, and helado. She is such a gracious, generous, beautiful, servant-hearted woman I love having here in Casa 5 days a week! Many times before meals Wimon or Rosalinda will pray in Spanish or in both Spanish and English. I love hearing it and although I only catch some of it, I love thinking that God can hear us all the same, there is no language barrier between God and His people. Since “yo estudio patelogia del hablar”, this has a special meaning for me, sometimes language barriers can occur even in the same language when people cannot communicate what they need or want someone to know. With the kids that I work with at Joni and Friends, my heart aches to help them learn to express themselves and I love knowing that God has absolutely no difficulties understanding every child that the world finds hard to understand. Our God “is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18)

Oh yeah, annnd classes! How could I forget? There is a ton of reading and writing homework, and plenty of Spanish memorization. Balancing time between wanting to journal, blog, have alone time, go to class, do homework, explore, spend time at the beach or the city, and just be with people around Casa is so hard but it is teaching me to prioritize and to be diligent about scheduling my time. My goal is to blog about once a week but they will be shorter than this post!

One other thing that I want to mention is the Carnival Parade that we watched on Friday night, the parade marks the beginning of carnival month (leading up to Mardi Gras and ending on Ash Wednesday. The Parade had tons of singing and dancing, kids dress up in costumes and run around, ducking under banners, joining in this the dancers, running alongside the floats, and convincing their parents to buy things from the vendors that walk up and down 18 de Julio right alongside the parade. We arrived at 8 and the parade picked up speed at 9 o’clock around sundown. We left at around midnight but it continued for at least another hour after we left. Last night Cory, Ben, Whitney, Brady, and I went to the grocery store and to get some supplies for taco night. One night we made macaroni and cheese which was delicious! The next night we had taco night with most of Casa. We made our own flour tortillas and we had so much fun preparing it all! It is a whole new world buying things in kg and measuring in grams but I’m a pro at guesstimation and everything turned out great! For me, cooking with these people makes them feel even more like family. I have countless wonderful memories of my mom and I baking and cooking, trying new recipes, taste-testing, being excited with successes, laughing at failures. Also, at Kamp the girls that I worked with in the kitchen were my Kamp family, we saw every high and low together and developed unique friendships because we virtually were never apart. washing dishes and cleaning up after meals makes me feel like I am at Kamp again. But the best part about my family, my Kamp family, and the people I am studying with here is that we all have a common focus and a great desire to serve the Lord with all we are and to learn to love Him better everyday. I miss my hometeam Bible study and my heart to heart talks on walks back in Texas, the numerous honest and God-centered conversations that I have had here are so encouraging and make me excited to see how God will work in our group the rest of the semester.

If you hadn’t heard, I went home this past weekend for Steven’s wedding and although the travel was long, everything went smoothly all in all and I would’ve done the travel ten times over to be a part of their wedding again. Everything about the ceremony and the reception fit their personalities so perfectly and it was incredibly beautiful! And I finally have a sister!

Alrighty that is all for now but I will be posting some more here in a day or too all about our trip to Buenas Aires and Tigre last weekend!

“There’s more of the Spirit and more of God than any of us are experiencing. I want to go there—not just intellectually, but in life, with everything that I am” –Francis Chan, Forgotten God